Songs to Deck Yr Halls Off
I hear it everywhere I go. When I walk through the automatic doors at Target, I hear it. When I hop down the block to grab a Troeg’s MadElf (yum), I hear it. It drives me to drink 4 more. When I drive the two hours home the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I hear it probably 8 times, and it goes something like this:
♩ ♪ ♫ Simply. Having. A wonderful Christmastime. ♩ ♪ ♫
I turn into an awful person when I hear or think about this song. I curse, I spit, I do graffiti and other destructions of public properties. It’s terrible. Everything Paul and the Beatles did might be totally null and void because of this song.
Enough about that song. Forget it. I have a couple Christmas tunes that I like, I might even LOVE them. They should be the default classics that “Simply Having” is most definitely not. At the risk of venting more about Paul’s biggest atrocity, here goes.
1. John Prine- Christmas in Prison
No doubt it’s a slow jam, but I have had a soft spot in my heart for John Prine since I heard Fish and Whistle. “The searchlight in the big yard/turns round with the gun/and spotlights the snowflakes/like the dust in the sun/it’s Christmas in prison/there’ll be music tonight/I’ll probably get homesick/I love you, goodnight.”
2. Joe Gibbs- Winter Wonderland
This example is kind of just a placeholder for the bigger Reggae Christmas music industry. There are a number of great options out there for celebrating a Reggae Christmas, and all the songs have great bouncy bass lines that just make you feel happy. I’m kind of curious now if there is a “Simply Having” reggae version. I can hear it in my head.
3. Sufjan Stevens- Get Behind Me Santa!
Matthew 16:23 reads, “Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”
Coincidence?
4. Bob Dylan- Must Be Santa
My neighbors showed this off to me last year. It’s a bizarre, sped-up version of the song in Bob Dylan’s tired because I’m singing so I’m not singing style. The best part isn’t even the song though, it’s this video, which is maybe everyone’s dream Christmas party. Gone is the sitting around bored conversations with extended family, and instead you have a house full of dancing, balloons, and Bob Dylan coming out of nowhere and scaring the tinsel out of you.
5. Sleigh Bells- Rill Rill
I cheated because I love Alexis Krauss. You can judge me if you want, but you know she’s phenomenal. :)
BONUS: Daryl Hall and John Oates- No Child Ever Cry on Christmas
Rule number 12: Always have a bonus in your back pocket, and always have it be Hall and Oates. Their opus of an album, Home for Christmas is worth every damn penny of the $4.99 it’ll cost you on Amazon. You can trust me.
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